A Voice in the Wind

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I’m sorry its been a few weeks since I updated. This will probably be a long one as so much has happened. It will probably be very random as well as I think back. I promise they wont all be like this. I want to share with you everything thats been going on. My heart was poured into this update, the amazing things, the practical, the struggles… After all its because of you I am here, your prayers and supports. Well, I’ve been here a little over a month and it has proved to be an adventure.

Although, Destino is based on our Table Internship in the states it is different. People are always going to have different thoughts on how to run a program and Destino is different but has the same heart: to see hearts transformed and disciple a generation. Let’s start with the directors: Paulo and Anita; they are amazing and totally dedicated to this generation.  They are young but lead with a lot of authority and love. I can see their hearts in the way they speak and interact with the interns. Anita reminds me a lot of Pastor Jill (one of my directors in the states) when Anita speaks I see Gods love pour out of her. She talks with a lot of authority and her words go straight to the heart with tons of love. I was telling Pastor Marco this when he came to visit and he later told me the night before God showed that to him as well. Paulo is tender and loving. he has a big heart and is always willing to listen and help. He has a lot of wisdom and is very talented( as I am learning as I watch him teach the interns how to act for intern theater). They are great people. This is only their second year with destino but they are doing great and still learning. The rules here are mostly the same but they have different ones as well. It’s a different culture here and different spiritual strongholds. They are not allowed to be in a courtship at all where in the states you could in your second year. They are not allowed to use their phones except for at lunch time. Ratio is 2 to 1 rather than 2-3 in the states.  All the girls live together and all the guys live together. In the states it was split up by gender and year. It’s also a lot different because a lot of young people here in Guatemala cant get a job so unlike the states interns don’t work so it’s all up the parents to pay the tuition. Also they don’t have cars and they don’t live close to any big places so they are literally home all the time. Except for classes and church, then we all hop into la Chata (the van la chata is its name) and we drive as far as 15 to 30 min to get to classes or church.  Both girls and guys eat lunch together. Both houses cook and they meet upstairs in the boys house and eat and fellowship together. When you leave the table you have to say Gracias (thank you) and they all say provecho in return. If you dont say either its kinda rude. Also they get like 3 hours for lunch and they always make something amazing since they have the time. I remember so many times making lunch and racing to class shoving food down my throat because I didn’t like to just through something together I wanted something good.
Intern theater is different as well. In the states we have tons of props and a lot of scene changes to master. Here it is very simple as far as props and no scene changes due to traveling. The interns travel all over the city and country putting on their play.

The count: 1 second yr guy, 7 first yr guys, 5 second yr girls and 4 first yr girls. I think ?! I’m kinda tired right now. Well like I said in my last update they are very patient and welcoming. 3 speak English but only 2 feel comfortable to use it with me. I am very proud of them. The second years seem so much different than last year. They’re softer and more open, I love seeing the difference. They are so lovable and all very funny. It is still hard for us to communicate but it is getting easier as the days pass. We have a lot of the same conversations several times a day because they want to talk to me but I only know how to say a few things. I do understand a lot but the challenge is responding. I don’t know how many times they ask me how I am just to talk. They all are very unique and I love each of them.

Destino is big on outreaches which I love. I Wish we could have done more in the states but here they have a lot. They go to the closest mall and minister to the taxi drivers, travel 3 hours to pray over people at churches, go to hospitals …. The biggest outreach I’ve been on with them was Salalma. We drove to a town called Salama and ministered in their church and local market place. It was the first time I had seen people be slain in the spirit. I know not a lot people know what to think about this topic but I’ve seen it and experience God do it through me. It’s different here than in the states. People need so much more and they know just how needy they are and they have so much faith that God wants to help them. The first night I saw this guy pray over people and almost all of them were slain in the spirit. I was thinking wow, he has a lot of authority. For some reason I was pinning him to things I was seeing and not the true power of God. I was so intrigued to see this guy pray over people and I was thinking I wish God would use me like that, he just doesn’t.  Later he pulled me over knowing I didn’t know Spanish he placed one of my hands on a ladys shoulder and  the other on her stomach he said pray. As I was praying he walked away and another lady came and stood behind the lady I was praying for just waiting for her to fall over. I was thinking that’s never going to happen, then I put all of those thoughts aside and focused on praying for this dear lady in front of me . I didn’t really know what to pray for since I couldn’t ask her so I prayed for her health needs family, etc.. Then the Lord led me to pray for other things in this moment she started to cry and shortly after fell over, she got slain in the spirit. I didn’t know what to think at that moment. I was shocked. Our last day in Salama the church asked all of Destino to pray over people. I walked around praying but not for anyone particular. It’s hard because people want to tell you what they need and I couldn’t communicate. Later Adam and one of the first yr boys came and got me and asked me to pray for this beautiful woman who was deaf. They told me some of her history. She was born deaf and always struggled with her value and had some problems at home due to her disability. They told me that during that weekend she had been prayed over by a lot of people and she has started to hear a little bit each time. They were about to pray for her fiancé  who learned sign language because he fell in love with her. I was touched by her story and excited to pray for her not knowing what would happen after the last time I prayed over someone. I prayed for her and my heart grew for her she was such a beautiful lady and I could feel Gods love for her. I prayed for her and her family and started  to pray for healing I put my hands on her ears and she cried and cried and then fell to the ground. I don’t really know what happens when people get slain in the spirit but they seem to be in a peaceful sleep. After some time she got up and hugged me and just cried for a bit and then signed thank you to me and went to find her fiancé. I couldn’t tell you how I felt. My heart was full and God is amazing that’s all I can say.

it feels like I just finished months of interns theater, well because I did. Intern theater round 3! They have been practicing  a lot and although I don’t understand a lot of what they say it is hilarious. They are all very good actors and their play is really funny. I am doing sound for the play, I am excited to travel with them around the country and see people’s hearts change.  Our first show is this Sunday.

SEASONS: There are only two seasons here in Guatemala. Rainy and Hot. That’s it! Right now were in the rainy season and I LOVE it. It reminds of monsoon season in Arizona but better. Real thunder and lightning storms and when it rains it RAINS! I love it. Closer to the coast it is extremely humid and it’s hard to stay dry. It’s gross and not my favorite. The weather goes from rainy to hot in a day. I never know what’s going to happen so it’s mandatory to leave the house with a hoodie in hand.

I am blessed to be living with Laura Kadera. She graduated her second year in the states right before I did first year. She works with destino and has opened her house to me. I have my own room and bathroom which is such a blessing after the last two years of sharing a house and one bathroom with 6 other girls. Although I loved the experience and the girls it is nice to have your own space. In Novemeber Laura is getting married so I will be moving into the intern house for about a week til they graduate.

After my last update I ended up getting sick. My body was getting used to the new foods and different bacteria. I was sick for two weeks and couldn’t keep any food in my body. I got a little weak and i felt like k was starving and i could do nothing to fix it. It was rough but I am over it now and have been able to eat anything and not get sick. The food here is good but lacks spice which is my favorite! Everything here is pretty bland. The interns warn me when something is spicy but I can’t taste it at all. They love tortillas. They are eaten with every meal even if it is spaghetti; and they like to put everything in the tortillas. Spaghetti In a tortilla and even ants can be found in a tortilla. I had a bite of some ants wrapped in a tortilla, its not something I’ll ant again but hey I tried it. They also love sweet bread (pan dulce) they probably eat it 2 or 3 times a day like with breakfast or coffee. Their not used to cookies and candy for dessert; they grew up with sweet bread. I’m already tired of it I usually only eat it like once a week with coffee. Also black beans are the favorite here. Refried black beans can be found on your plate for any meal including breakfast. Your not supposed to drink the water here. It is not very clean even the locals don’t drink it and when you go out and ask for water you are given a bottle of water with a cup and it’s not free.

Yes, it deserves it’s very own category! Yum… It is a lot better here. Yeah that might sound crazy but it is made with real sugar rather than high fructose corn syrup which provides a much better taste. The only thing I’m not quite sure about is that they recycle the glass bottles which is kind of gross to me but oh well.

There are a lot of bugs that find their way into the houses. I am currently covered in bug bites. I counted last night out of curiosity I have 9 bites on my left foot/ankle, 8 on the other and 3 on my back. I don’t think there has been a time I haven’t had bug bites since I got here. A week and a half ago we were in Salama and i got a pretty nasty spider bite on my arm and theres still a mark. Ah, the adventures of being in a different country.

Communicating has been a struggle but I am understanding a lot. It’s a lot easier for me to understand than talk. I don’t quite know how to form sentences and what verbs to use as it is different than an English.  Learning a new language is like being a child again. People talk slower and think its so cute when you say something new in their language. It’s definitely humbling to try to communicate because I know I sound like a child with bad grammar. Its funny because someone will ask me a question and ill understand all but one word and ill tell them i dont know that word so they say the same question louder and slower. It doesn’t help. But they think it does. My dictionary has been my best friend this last week as we try to communicate more. But it’s all a process.
The guys left about two weeks ago and that has been hard for me. When I left Roseville I thought for sure I would cry saying goodbye to everyone  but I didn’t and I couldn’t figure out why. A week before Adam and David left I learned why. Inside of me I knew they were going with me and they held all of home for me. I transitioned really well and felt at home immediately. When they left I felt like there was a whole in my heart. You see it wasn’t them but for me they represented all my friends and family and home and when they left it all went with them. I was alone! It was rough and I think I was depressed for like a week. I forced myself to have s tremendous amount of extra quiet time. After all I wasn’t really alone but it is hard to be physically alone. I am not sure if you can grasp this feeling that I’m trying to explain. I new that this day was coming but I didn’t think it would be as hard as it was and still is. All I know is that God has to be my everything and this is something I have been trying to grasp for quite some time now. I want to be at the point that I can be completely alone and be joyful. This is where I am headed. I know my life will be full of me being alone in the nations and it’s learning time. Over the last seven months God have been giving me a greater revelation on his love, His pure love and it’s power. I’m learning that loving is so much more than any word I can say.

If you have a heart to be a missionary hear me out. I know to a lot of people it sounds like this great idea. A time full of adventure, full of excitement and new things. Reality check: it’s not just an idea, it’s a calling. Please pray about your your decisions because if you are not called i believe it will be a very easy way to lose focus and get picked of by the enemy. I know that I am called to be a full time missionary and this is the beginning for me. I’ll be honest it’s HARD. it is an exciting adventure but way different than you can imagine. After about 3 weeks or a month the excitement of being in a new country and a new adventure and season with the Lord starts to wear off. It becomes day to day life and it’s hard to stay focused. I have to take day by day keeping my eyes set on him and the Heart He has for these interns. I know I am supposed to be here and as long as I am here I will fight for my call here. It’s been a real struggle but it brings you into a new relationship with God, when your completely broken and have nothing. That’s where I am. Alone, broken, homesick,can’t communicate… But in this weakest spot Jesus shines through. He is my strength. It’s funny because I had so many leaders tell me about these points I will have as I missionary but it’s like when people tell you things so you can learn from their mistakes and most of the time you just have to make the same mistake to fully understand. I thought I understood and I would be ready to face it but I wasn’t. I  know this is a refining season for me and I am excited to see the other end.

My heart! <3

This is a letter I worte to  my leadership to express my heart for going back to Guatemala. Thought I would share this with you all .


Before we boarded our flight to Guatemala you told me that I would know why God had me in Guatemala. The first full day there I was completely overwhelmed with the culture and the language barrier. I ran to Christ and fell into His arms like never before that night. For the first time I saw how big God was. To be in a different nation and see God move wrecked my world for the best. I spent every night praying why God brought me to Guatemala. What did I have that they needed? I was so far away from my comfort zone but God filled those voids in me and used me. Halfway through the trip I felt God say this was mine. That this was just a taste. I did my best to get to know the interns and serve them, I am honored that not only was I privileged to spend a week with the interns but we still talk about once a week. It was so hard to leave them, before I left I was at their prayer set and they all prayed and prophesied over me. There was a connection that was made with those interns that bonded me with the culture. My dad raised me to be afraid of the world. Knowing the way I was raised I should have been so afraid to be in Guatemala and to do the things we did; but I never felt so much peace and I never felt happier. I know God was there, that I was in the right place and that God was going to protect me. At church Jose had Ashley and I stand up and he introduced us to his church as Missionaries. At that moment I realized I was doing the one thing I have been dreaming and fighting for for years. Guatemala was a dream come true to me. When we flew home I cried(secretly) but I knew in my heart that I would be back. I remember you asking to trade me US dollars for my Quetzales(however you spell that) and I said “ No, because I’ll be back”. I wanted to tell you guys so bad what I was feeling but I felt like I had to wait. I know my weaknesses, I can be emotionally led and I am stubborn so when I want something I go after it(not always a wise decision). I knew that I had to handle it differently. So after we got back to the states I went to prayer. Guatemala has been in my prayers for 4 months now. I held and am holding it open handed; after all I am the Lords and He will put me where He needs me. I have been taking this decision day by day. As the door stays open each day I will peruse it. This was something I needed to be patient about and hear Gods heart for me. Over the last few months God has been instilling in me what I have to be and do if I go. I heard those girls hearts and how hard it is for them to have someone there for a few months (just long enough to get to know the person and let them in) and then have them leave. God told me that I needed to make a commitment to the program and those girls. I knew that I would need to make a commitment of at least a year. Also, that I needed to learn Spanish, to fully be available to the interns. I have been looking into a few ways since. I told the second years over the summer that I felt God leading me back to Guatemala and I asked them to pray with me. On Sunday October 16th I finally felt the release to talk to you guys about it. I had planned on setting up a meeting with you on Monday. That night I was asking God to give me a yes or no. I needed to know whether to continue perusing Guatemala or if I needed to possibly see past my heart. (I was still trying to see Gods will for me.) Although, He had been speaking to me what I needed to do, I still wasn’t positive if that is what God wanted. I asked God to give a obvious yes or no. That Monday before I got to ask you if we could plan a meeting; you went and started talking about how Destino needed leaders. With Destino needing leaders, and what you said, and what Pacheco said I knew that was my YES. Not only once but 3 times, each I felt in my Spirit. What you don’t know was that Pacheco was the once second year that did not about what I was praying about because he was in Brazil.( it was so the Lord to hear Pacheco say that he felt I was supposed to go.)

This program has changed my life and I want to see that in others not just in the US. I want to be apart of that. I know I have shared my heart with you about Africa but I don’t believe that this is the season but I DO know that one day God will lead me to Africa, just not yet. Although, I am watching it all unfold right before my eyes I will continue to take one day at a time and allow God to be in charge.